Currently | Monday Check-up.

Reading: I have a list of books I would like to conquer during the time I have off from my classes in the month of January. I have Timothy Keller's, "The Meaning of Marriage" sitting on my nightstand, but I am currently reading, "Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire." I'm hoping I can work my way through both of these. However, I just got a bunch of free Beth Moore Kindle edition books through an Amazon promotion. I'm thinking these will be perfect for my time at the gym, as I (used to) love bringing my Kindle with me on the elliptical! So I definitely have more than enough of something to satisfy me for a bit. At least before my part-time semester kicks in!

Doing: About to bake some delicious muffins for a girl's night/Bachelor party at my house. Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal muffins, yes please! I just came from the flower shop and ordered my wedding flowers. I am overwhelmed, grateful and excited. Wedding planning is nuts!!

A little sneak peak of my inspiration for the wedding flowers

Drinking: My trademark carmel Dunkin black iced coffee, of course. And yes, I am aware it is the winter. But yes, I am a Northern Girl through and through! I don't think you know how excited I was to find out that my future home finally acquired a Dunkin not too far from the complex we'll be in. Hallelujah! I need that stuff flowing through my bloodstream at all times...{No, no addict here.} 

Thinking about: The ambitious email I just pressed send on. My professor had shared that she wanted to look into publishing a piece of writing that I'd sent to her to read. I was leery of it at first, as I'm not generally 'public' with the personal pieces I write. However, she insisted I send it to an education journal and I shied away from doing so. Recently, I've been convicted of sharing my writing a little bit more and messaged her this morning asking about how I would go about doing this. I'm intrigued, but still a little nervous. So stay tuned.

I guess I'm also thinking about the wedding of course! After just being at the flower shop for nearly two hours, I guess it's cliche to say that I can finally "envision what my wedding is going to look like." I am constantly bombarded (in both a very emotional good and scary way) of the reality that is my next five or six months. Scary for sure, but also very very exciting and fun and...life changing!

Loving: My patient fiance. 

I'm having a little bit of a hard time during this transition period. Leaving what I know and love, but being so very excited to go where I'm going and be where I'll be is truly terrifying and exciting at the same time. I also really hope to continue my mentality of trying to stay fixed in the present, no matter how much I am chomping at the bit to go ahead to all the new points of life I'll be in. But that's becoming increasingly difficult as I'm looking forward to crossing the finish line after four years of distance to start a whole new chapter with this guy. I want to enjoy my last semester of school, be fully present in the moments with friends and family that I have left, and enjoy the anticipation of the events that are to come before they actually come; all the planning and preparations. I want to enjoy the details without stressing over them, I guess you could say.

Which is all very difficult, let me tell you. 

Regardless, currently I am enjoying my last few days of break at home before I trek back to school to begin a (classless) work-filled January term of the semester. 

Organizational mode - activated

Spending time with my munchkin baby

And then finally begin my final part-time Spring semester. 

I am constantly reminding myself to slow down. 

(unknown source)

Happy 2014!

{I'm getting married this year. Ah!}

Do things with passion or not at all.

As life grows hectic, it's difficult to maintain enthusiasm. Sounds weird, huh? We get in ruts, habits, slumps, and routines that it's so easy to lose passion for things that become so mundane. Let me explain myself.

I recently read a quote by the author Roald Dahl.

"I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good, either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be." - Roald Dahl

I began thinking about passion and what it means, what it looks like. I love passionate people. I, like most people, unknowingly gravitate towards people who are passionate about what they believe in, what they do, or how they live their lives. But I wonder what characterizes a passionate person other than just "having a passion for..." or "being passionate?" And why do we gravitate towards them? Is it their confidence? Our curiosity? Maybe even some kind of jealousy?

The definition of passionate means, "having, showing, or expressing strong emotions or beliefs" and synonyms for 'passionate' include: intense, impassioned, ardent, fervent, vehement, heated, emotional, heartfelt, eager, excited, animated, adrenalized, spirited, energetic, fervid, frenzied, fiery, wild, consuming, even violent.

The same goes for our faith. Francis Chan has an awesome sermon titled, "Lukewarm and Loving It." A difficult one to listen to, but convicting, no less.

I guess I'll spew the famous, life is too short to be less than enthusiastic about the life that you're living. Or maybe, a lack of passion is fatal. But are we so tired and busy and occupied that we become lukewarm about the fabulous lives we live? Do we not have time or energy for passion?  Are we really "Lukewarm and Loving" life, our faith, our daily and mundane blessings that are just that; blessings? Are we unamused, unimpressed and uninspired by this amazing life we live and the awesome God that provides for us?

Maybe that's my "new year's resolution," though I don't like to dub them that. Maybe I want to be more passionate.

I want to be an enthusiast in life. 

Because anything else would just be boring. 

Offical Goodbye to 2013.

I figured I would throw together monthly memorable happenings from 2013;

January:

I started getting serious about working out and improving my body and my health. It was a good decision and an awesome habit to start. 

I started planning that wedding of mine. Big things. 

February:

I fell down the stairs, ended up with a brutally sprained ankle and my wonderful roommates/friends took care of my for a few weeks while I hobbled my way around campus on crutches. 

Three years with that boy happened, and being engaged sent me into a whirlwind of emotions as I dealt with the fact that I would be getting married and moving far far away at the same time, (lots of laughing one minute and crying the next). 

March: 

I flew down South and realized that that place would be my home. And that home had a new definition I was (and am still) wrapping my head and my heart around. 

I dove into my second semester of junior year and my final semester of pre-student teaching before my senior year of full-time student teaching. 

Still learning a ton in life. The usual. 

April: 

Monster. Mama. Mountain pies. Friends. 

Pennsylvania bonfires and the emergence of Spring. 

Spring on campus. Working hard doing graduate work during undergraduate classes (naturally, right?) Spending more time with friends and counting down the days to a seemingly unattainable finish line. 

May: 

Listening to my Creator in working through insecurities and imperfections; both physical and emotional. Came home after an exhausting end of the most-difficult year and semester. Struggled to find a job and somehow manage emotions of my last summer home. 

Left for three weeks to Northern Ireland, a trip I hesitated going on. 

June: 

Spent three weeks among the green grass of Northern Ireland/Dublin for an educational trip with my school. Struggled a whole lot the entire time with patience, insecurity, trust and whatever God was teaching me. Saw some of the most beautiful landscape and learned a whole lot about a country I'd never knew much about before. I wouldn't say I regret the trip, but I would like a re-do under different circumstances. 

Started this blog. 

July: 

Still jobless. Increasingly restless. 

Full wedding planning mode. And practicing-how-to-be -a-wife-mode activated. 

August: 

Spent time with my love, soaking in the final rays of summer before going back to school.

Nick Benson Photography

Accomplished a ton of wedding things and took our engagement pictures!

Nick Benson Photography

Said goodbye again. 

September: 

Fully embraced my last Northern Fall. 

Started student teaching with the best class of third graders. 

October: 

Student teaching got increasingly more difficult emotionally. 

Still learning...

November: 

Somehow made it to Thanksgiving Break.

And into the hundreds!!!

December: 

Realized that this was happening. Whoa.. 

Said a tearful goodbye to "my" class. 

Then had a wonderful Christmas with family and my love!

Hello 2014!

Embracing Your Season.

This Sunday I heard a sermon I have heard a hundred times. It started out with that phrase we all like to quote to make us feel better when life throws us curveballs; 

"For everything there is a season..." 

{Ecclesiastes. 3:1-9} 

Other than some fluffy reassurance, I'd never made any real connection to this message. Yes, there are 'seasons of life.' Don't I know it. Seasons that hurt, seasons that are exciting, seasons that are trying. Seasons, just like the ones I know so well from living in New England for so long, that change every so often. But nevertheless, they shift and change. There is one and then inevitably after, there is another. But on Sunday, I learned this message in a different way than that fluff reassurance I'd heard before. 

The speaker of this message urged us to embrace our season. Whether it is frustrating, trying, terrifying, exciting, or none of those things; it is the season you are in. Repelling it, no matter how difficult it might be, is not how to go into and live in your season of life in a healthy way at all. 

I wanted to share the notes {and some commentary} that I took for this in hopes it can be useful in some way to someone else.

1. Acknowledge seasons.  

Ask yourself, what are the features of my life right now? What am I learning? What am I going through? What is God been trying to teach me? You have to first identify your season to be able to do the work that it and God requires of you.

2. Know yourself. 

James 1:23-25 - This is one of my favorite verses because it is so applicable in so many situations. It's almost like God includes this verse in the Bible as a "duh-verse." It's hard to read it and not feel a little silly. We need to know ourselves so that we can find out what we need to learn. This is so that we may improve on that self-discipline area of life we all know and {hate to} love. Do you have a healthy view of yourself, of what you actually need to learn. Are you receptive to what God can and will show you?
This requires balance and humility.

So that ultimately, we can move on to maturity.

3. Find your season. 

Proverbs 4:23 - Check your heart. Look at your present. Look at your daily life. What has God or others been speaking into your life? Do you notice something continuously coming up in your life that you keep pushing to the side? What are you in the middle of now? What are changes happening in your life? What do you need more of? What are you procrastinating?

4. Get the right equipment. 

Scripture. People (community!) Time - assign a time and place to do this thing, to think about and learn about your season, to use the skills you're learning about yourself to develop in your season of living. Skill development - give yourself time to develop learning and skills. Nothing happens overnight. That is certainly why seasons last for days, months, maybe even years, not minutes or hours.

I definitely feel that this message couldn't have come at a better time as we somewhat ceremoniously step into a new season, the New Year. I know that I look at years as general seasons of life containing so many different seasons of life. I think about who I was and what I was learning about this time a year ago and how many different 'seasons of living' I have gone through in the past 365 days. It's significant really. Significant in my spiritual growth, my personal growth, my physical and emotional growth and just my daily learning. 

No matter what season of life we are in, there is growth. It's interesting and eye-opening to consciously identify and keep mine in mind. 

I think I can identify a few phrases of Ecclesiastes to be true in my own life that I hope to grow in. 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; 

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

    a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

   a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

    a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

   a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace."

I could not identify more with the phrases, "a time to plant and a time to uproot" and "a time to weep and a time to laugh."

These will be the guides of my next five months and my coming season of life.

What are yours? 

What I've been up to.

December is seemingly flying by. But this is what I've been up to.

I had to say goodbye to my littles on Wednesday;
My heart absolutely shattered when they gave me notes and hugs and letters. Who wouldn't feel awesome when a bunch of nine year olds told you how "pretty" and "smart" and "helpful" and "awesome" you are..I mean, come on. The best part is how they said what a great teacher I'm going to be and begged me to stay with them and teach them. Let's just say, it was a nice affirmation of all my hard work towards my future career. No matter how much I have to study for my certification tests or how hard I work towards graduating with my degree.

Upon leaving, I was showered with books as gifts from each one of them, even a note from a parent telling me how much fun their child had learning while I was in the classroom. My teacher heart felt amazing when I heard struggling students tell me how I'd helped them. I even received a generous gift from the other team of teachers and aides. 

It was hard not to cry on my last day. And I was practically a puddle as the students were reading out loud to me what they wrote in their cards. One of them shouted in the middle of readings, "you're crying!" I teacher-glared at them jokingly and quickly answered, "No I'm not!" (Maybe I was tearing up a tiny tiny bit....)

Christmas is coming. It is unbelievable that it is the 20th. 

In other news,

I am home. 

Two cups of coffee and five hours later, yesterday. 

Home in a very complex way. 

But home, no less. 

Christmas 2010...the wonderful unsuccessful surprise.

Oh, and soon I get to say hello to this fellow again. 

My heart is so very excited. 

Looking ahead...

I am baffled and exhilarated(?) that this wedding of mine (ours) is nearly five months away!?!? Which means I guess it's time to start planning it again, right? I can't believe it's been four years since I met this guy. Time sure does fly. 

Normally I have goals in the New Year, not resolutions per say. Goals for the New Year and fresh start and thanksgiving for the past year. But I'm not sure I can have many with this so constantly changing and about to change. I think I'll stick with the theme of 'grow where I'm planted.' I guess due to the fact that my soil will change this year a couple of times. Other than that, I'd be lying if I didn't mention my health goals and all that I feel like I've already achieved. Even on days where I'm extra hard on myself or don't work out, I realize it's okay. It's cliche to say that it's a lifestyle change but it truly is. And I really do feel so much better when I'm "on track." Whatever that means. So no, I'm not one of those crazy brides who works out to lose such and such amount of weight before the wedding. I'm pretty happy with the path that I'm on. My goal is to stay on it and tweak it and find ways to improve it, and me. 

My other goals would be to help along my growth. Take care of the plant. Water it, nourish it. Emotionally speaking. 

I want to stay on the right track physically but also spiritually and emotionally. I have the independent time to learn how to be a wife and how to grow as one. So I'm really looking forward to that as well. Also how to grow in a place I'm not used to, amongst changes I cannot control. That one will be tricky, I know. 

But I know it is possible. 

Autopilot.

I haven't felt particularly inspired to write much lately...kind of running on autopilot. I'm mostly done with my semester and finishing up student teaching. And by done with a semester, I mean the time has both flown and seemed to drag tirelessly. I'm certainly not emotionally prepared to say goodbye to my room full of students who have taught me more than I ever imagined. I'm not ready to leave them and not see how they finish off the year, how they grow more, what else they learn and do and see. I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for the holidays yet (I definitely have not finished buying gifts). I'm not truly ready to be surrounded by a room full of people all asking loaded future questions followed by subtle hints of guilt of always returning to that place, wondering, questioning, answering, persuading, pursuing.

I'm not sure I'm ready for a new year, changes, goodbyes. 

But I am ready to dwell in the present. And while I know I've been hypocritically chanting that a while now until I believe it, I'm ready to believe it. 2014 will be the year I both finish up a chapter and start a new one. And while I'm not sure I'm ready to do either one of those things, they will inevitably happen. I'm ready to start thinking about searching for my own students, or a job in my field once I move. I'm ready to start researching what that will look like and when. I'm ready to plan this wedding and not get so caught up in the details but at the same time acknowledge that details are what makes things personal and special and us. I'm ready for the holidays and home and family and lasts.

I'm ready for a fresh starts, changes, hellos.

As I wrap up things here in PA, I know that I have wonderful people waiting to welcome me back home in CT. And as I get settled back home in CT, I know that in eight days I'll soon be welcoming back someone very wonderful home to me in our little airport as he steps off the plane. I'm ready for this new year and these last selfish months. Not as the world sees them, not my "last days of singlehood, live it up" kind of way. In a learning way. In my sort of cram session to take everything I have learned about myself and put it into a partnership everyday. To take everything I've learned separately and morph those lessons into a two people, one roof sealed legal, binding and team playing kind of deal. I guess I can't really learn everything in these next near five months (obviously) but I can spend it growing, as always. I hope to.

I've learned a lot this portion of this year. And even though the year is about to close, it doesn't mean that it has to stop.

But for now, I could use a good recharge to my autopilot state.
My heart could use a warm reunion.
My soul could use a good worshiping.
My body could use days of rest and relaxation.
My head could use some comforting words.
My fingers could use another's being laced in mine.
My lungs could use a deep and true laugh.
My ears could use a good listen to family and little's giggling.
My eyes could use warm nights and christmas tree lights, and reassurance that though things change, and people change and move and grow,

this is all okay. It will all be okay. Somehow.