- I’ve recently made that transition from calling Connecticut ‘my parents’ house’ instead of referring to it as ‘my house.’ I don’t know how or when it happened, but suddenly it just felt wrong to say ‘my house’ when that’s not my house nor my home anymore in any sense of the word. I know that I will always have a home there with people I love still living there, but it feels funny when my home is already so much here after such a short time.
- Thinking about furnishing our new home doesn’t make me want to leave it anytime soon. Which in turn makes me a little bit guilty, like I should want to go back to my hometown and visit everyone any chance I get. This confuses my heart a little bit. We finally found the perfect sectional for our new home and we’re so excited to put it in our home. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but we’re slowly planning things for our house when we move in a few weeks. We were supposed to have an inspection today but it got changed to Thursday. I want to see our house again!
- Husband is on twelves. Not just on twelves, but overnight twelves. No thank you on all fronts. Husband is lackingsleep and over-worked and (whine whine whine) it’s affecting my own sleep cycle so much more than I want it to. I hope they don’t last the two weeks that they think they may and only the one that they hope. I need some kind of routine again. A normal one during the normal people hours of the day.
- I’m ready for August to be over, which is something I never say. Summer and all that, right? But September holds so many exciting things; my new job starting, our house closing/moving, my birthday and enjoying our new home (slash decorating it with fall stuff!) I’m hesitant to see what fall is like down here while at the same time I know it will lack so much compared to my beautiful New England autumns (sorry Southerners, you ain't got nothing on those Northern autumns).
- I have so many mixed feelings about my new job - let me explain. I seem to be getting some doubts from people who know me ~’professionally’ about my qualifications and my position/responsibilities. It’s like they’re shocked at my position as ‘not a full time teacher.’ It’s kind of like the weird transition I felt after graduating and working towards that funnel of only being a full time teacher; for a while I felt that that was my only option and I didn’t know what else to do. I guess a little bit trapped in a way. It’s amazing how this job came out of no where and the connections it led me to. I truly truly do believe it’s a God-thing, even though I have no idea how it’s going to pan out. I'm learning that that's okay for my control-freak-self to handle. It’s teaching me that nothing is permanent, that I can do what I want and what I'm passionate about, even if the route that I'm taking is a little bit unexpected.
Before it’s even started, it’s showing me the many opportunities that I do have, that I’m not confined into one pathway of "what’s expected of me." And it’s proving to me that I can work towards my passions, even if I only partially have a handle on whatever the heck that means. The bottom line is that I love working with kids, I love teaching them and seeing them learn and showing them love and forming relationships with them; no matter the age, the amount of time that I see them a week or a month or the material they’re learning. That’s what I love doing. And just because I took rigorous courses and tests to prove to some states that I'm qualified to do the latter (or whatever that means), doesn’t mean I’m going to automatically get locked into something I’m unsure of just because it's presented to me or because I'm qualified to do so (does that make sense?). I’m going to take these coming opportunities in stride (whoa, look at for easy-going Kailyn?) and figure out what I want to do, not even for the rest of my life, just for now. And for once, I don't think I need a five year plan for this.
And that’s okay. I’m really learning that that’s okay. Expectations, whether they’re yours or other people’s are ridiculously stressful. You learn and you love regardless.
And I love where life and God’s plans are taking me lately, what they're showing and teaching me.
Regardless of all that other stuff.
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