Enjoy it, because it's happening.

I recently came across this phrase and I could not think of a more obvious, simple and straight-forward phrase to define this current season of my life. It's funny, no matter how many breakdowns I have, no matter how much I scream or cry or put off doing things that hurt, worry about the inevitable goodbyes and all the negative, terrifying or sad parts that come with this, I am continuously overwhelmed with all the things to enjoy. And like the seasons change, life is made new and the trees bloom, it's happening. Like a freight train or a steady rhythm, I cannot stop or control it. 

As hard as it is, I am grasping at strands to try to enjoy this phase, to immerse myself in the scary uncertainty and enjoy the process; the processing. While it's a little overwhelming to try to savor it all at once, I close my eyes to take it in, to remember it, to lock it away for another faraway time when I know I'll miss it; this, those, them. 

I went home for the long Easter weekend. That was difficult. I started packing and sorting and placing into piles and getting rid of. That was even more difficult. There is something so emotionally unsettling about seeing your material possessions so scattered around. An accurate representation of the chaos; emotional, mental. Everything else. Such is this phase of my life and such is an accurate representation of my processing; categorizing, giving away, choosing what to save, what to let go of. 

Very strange, indeed.

The thought of having to say goodbye to this, my thirteenth birthday present makes my heart break a little bit. My animals are so important to me, and as odd as it sounds, my emotional stability that I know saying goodbye to them will be just as bad as saying goodbye to the people. Not to say that I will never see either again, but it's of course, just not the same. 

On another note, this guy, and a friend and I were at one of our favorite local coffee shops while I was home. We were sitting outside enjoying the nice weather and the Saturday afternoon when a lady and her son (about seven or eight) approached us. The three of us, being very approachable with a fur-thing, I quickly learnt. She didn't directly approach us at first and was having a harmless spat with her son, openly criticizing her son for this and that. She mentioned "all the money she spends on him" and how he "sucks all the energy out of her" point blank and immediately I bristled at her tone towards him. It wasn't mean, but criticizing and harsh. A tone that as a teacher, I hate hearing parents use directly in front of their children. 

She proceeded to approach us and ask questions about Austin, while her son shoved his face in my dog's face. Again, (and although my dog would never bite and is incredibly friendly) something I cannot stand watching parents allow. She struck up a more-than-polite-stranger talk conversation and quickly noticed the ring on my left hand as I was sitting holding my coffee. She had ventured into "I've been married twice" and "be careful when you have kids someday, you never know what you're going to get,"...way too personal territory and I sat wishing she would just leave already. Her attitude was boisterous and abrupt and amidst the conversation demanded, "how old are you?" I responded that I was twenty-two and I noticed her face twitch. She trudged on with;

"Well, what do you think marriage is?"  

And I quickly recognized where the conversation was going. 

I've heard it before, being engaged for nearly a year and a half now. People, mostly strangers are often surprised at my choices and that I'm "so young." (She was surprised that we've maintained a nearly four and a half year long distance relationship though). So point to me, I quess? Her question came out of nowhere and I was completely taken aback. I must have stared at her, shocked, for about thirty seconds wishing I could crawl under a rock or that she would just go away while she chided, 

"Come on, I want to hear your answer." 

I told her I thought marriage was 'unpredictable.' 

She must have deemed by answer acceptable because she nodded and affirmed it with a, "yes, it's that." 

Her and her son eventually (and thankfully) left, but not before I was able to slip in, (after regaining my composure), 

"We're excited to see where God and life takes us. 

We know it's not going to be perfect." 

Quote from Stephen Chbosky, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" - (Image source unknown)

Enjoy this season. Whichever one you're in. 

Because it is happening. You are living in it.