I am continuously ready to move on to life together with my husband. As tongue-in-cheek as it feels to admit, it is making it increasingly difficult to keep my vow of “remaining in the present, even though the future looks so good” like the faulty human that I am. This is causing for some mixed feelings of the now and the then for me. Like some kind of awkward and painful limbo. I feel like I am somehow finally ready mentally and emotionally to move on to the next chapter of my life. That it's taken me so long to feel ready to move on. And inside my head I'm thinking, "Okay, I'm finally ready. Let's go right now."
Maybe not from the familiar to the unfamiliar,
but from the comfortable to the adventure,
the part that does not involve seeing my best friend every day to the part in our story that does,
from the old to the new chapter,
to the one so heavily involving him in the daily
and mundane activities
from the one where I don’t hear his voice for two weeks.
There is a serious amount of disequilibrium inside of me, inside of my head and my heart.
One that I must simply work through or suck up for the next seven months. Both choices which are proving very difficult for me lately.
I love my present life. I love the people around me and the places I get to go. Do not get me wrong.
I love everything about the experience and the place I am in now, both the physical and metaphorical. But I am so incredibly torn. So one foot on one side of the line and one foot on the other.
Maybe growing up isn’t so bad after all. Even if it means not know how you feel being where you are and where you're going daily. This life is painful and terrifying. But it is good.
Always good.
Even through the discomfort.
No comments:
Post a Comment