In which I learn that I am an introvert.

I had a conversation with someone a couple days ago who has only known me a short while. We were talking about introverts and extroverts, and she was severely mistaken about which of those I was. I mentioned offhand mid-way through our conversation, {like I already expected her to know that, because I do, duh} "Oh I am such an introvert." She was taken aback at my statement and wasn't sure whether to laugh it off or show the confusion I already noticed. She responded with a "Really!?!? I would never have guessed." I was surprised that they were so surprised I admitted to being such a thing. Maybe a few years back, I wouldn't have admitted to being so. 

Because I think, a few years back I had no clue what this even meant. 

I had to learn that I was an introvert. 

Strange, right? 

The very definition of introvert means "to turn inward, or in upon oneself." But I have learned that being an introvert vs. being an extrovert is all about where you recharge, how you recharge. I get my energy from being by myself and I drain my energy from being around people. I need that time of solitude. No really, I physically need that time. I think being in a teaching position where all eyes are on me kind of confuses people, like the conversation I previously talked about. I don't mind public speaking. I don't love it of course, but I'm not as shy around new people as I used to be. And maybe some people who initially meet me would mistake me for an extrovert, I don't know. I've sort of grown into the societal expectations centered around this adult-life stuff. 

Which in flashing neon signs, screams;

"Be an extrovert, then you'll succeed at everything and everyone will like you." 

This makes me sad. I will shake your hand and strike up pleasant and proper conversation even if I don't know you. It is not that I cannot hold a polite conversation with you. I have proper social skills. I can interact in a group of people. I know how to collaborate and work together and I don't mind speaking to a group of people. I certainly am capable of teaching a classroom full of twenty-five students. But I guess I had this person fooled. They were incorrect, I am not extroverted in the slightest.

It's true; 

I am an introvert. 

Interestingly enough,
this topic has actually appeared in several conversation I've had in the last few weeks. 

Being an introvert is severely and commonly mistaken. And until I started really learning about myself, I didn't know what it meant either. 'Introverted' does not mean that I hate people or are not a 'people-person.' I love people. I love meeting people and hearing their stories and learning about them. I teach. I love teaching. I have grown accustom to actually loving being in front of the room with twenty-five pairs of little eyes on me. In fact, I would say I'm pretty comfortable in that position now. But when I am in that position for eight hours a day, when I am constantly with people, answering questions, talking to people, making conversation, being social, fulfilling certain expectations, being surrounded in a working environment with people, or even caring on meaningless conversations, the quickest thing I want to do when I get back from a day like that is sit alone. No talking. Doing something mindless. No answering questions. Just me. Alone. No one to heart or talk to.

Just...recharge.
I need that.

I've never truly understood the way that I operate before. Which, to be honest, sounds a little strange. I think these past three years have been a whole lot of learning about myself, about growth, and about self-awareness. I am an introvert. I admit it. There is nothing wrong with it. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally drained by other people. My brain and my body function differently than an extrovert. I need solitude. I need quiet.

I need that time. 

And maybe the most important thing about learning this is the last part; 

learning that I need that time. 

That it's okay to need that time. 

That this is how I live my life and how I go on living my life. 

How I stay healthy and sane and how I truly recharge. 

Susan Cain has a pretty awesome TED Talk about introverts. An introverted ex-lawyer.

"Before I became a writer, I practiced corporate law for seven years, representing clients like JP Morgan and General Electric, and then worked as a negotiations consultant, training all kinds of people, from hedge fund managers to TV producers to college students negotiating their first salaries. My clients have included Merrill Lynch, Shearman & Sterling, One Hundred Women in Hedge Funds, and many more. I went to Princeton University and Harvard Law School. From all this you might guess that I’m a hardcore, wonderfully self-confident, pound-the-table kind of person, when in fact I’m just the opposite. I prefer listening to talking, reading to socializing, and cozy chats to group settings. I like to think before I speak (softly). And somehow I know that everything I’ve ever accomplished, in love and in work, I owe to these traits, annoying though they may sometimes be."

I also do think the world underestimates introverts a little bit. Maybe the universe and the people in it, the people who are not introverts, don't know how to truly handle introverts. Maybe there is too much pressure on going out and not enough on the concept of re-charging, whatever that may look like to different people; be it introverts or extroverts. Maybe more people should figure out what they are, how they recharge. Maybe it would make the world more productive, like Susan Cain lets on. I don't really have the answers to these wonderings. But I do know that people should know how they function, that the human brain and body is an amazing and complicated thing, and that all of the above fascinate me not just in general, but in a very personal way.

And I know that learning that I am introvert has been incredibly beneficial to my everyday living.

Unfortunately, just like my conversation, 

not everyone you meet is aware of this rather large personality trait. 

And when you do figure it out, it's not a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with you. 

This is how your brain functions. 

Embrace it and learn about it.